Balancing stability in one’s marriage and domestic life depends fundamentally on both spouses fulfilling their respective roles. For this essential reason, the Shariah (Islamic law) has stipulated distinct responsibilities for both genders, taking into account their natural disposition and temperament.
Accordingly, Shariah has made the husband/father primarily responsible to go out of the house and earn income. Husbands, therefore, bear a greater responsibility of supporting their children and taking care of their wives' needs. This role, by its nature, is not suitable for a wife/mother for various reasons. Conversely, a wife’s/mother’s responsibility is centered on taking care of the household affairs, which includes, for example, cleaning the house, cooking, and taking care of the children.
This essential division of labor and responsibility is understood by the following Hadith narrated from the Messenger of Allah, Rasulullah Sallallahu Alayhi Wasallam:
كُلُّكُمْ رَاعٍ وَكُلُّكُمْ مَسْئُولٌ عَنْ رَعِيَّتِهِ، وَالأَمِيرُ رَاعٍ، وَالرَّجُلُ رَاعٍ عَلَى أَهْلِ بَيْتِهِ، وَالمَرْأَةُ رَاعِيَةٌ عَلَى بَيْتِ زَوْجِهَا وَوَلَدِهِ، فَكُلُّكُمْ رَاعٍ وَكُلُّكُمْ مَسْئُولٌ عَنْ رَعِيَّتِهِ
[صحيح البخاري، كتاب النكاح، باب المرءة راعية، ج٢، ص٧٨٣، قديمی]
Translation: Rasulullah Sallallahu Alayhi Wasallam said, "All of you are guardians and are responsible for your wards. The ruler is a guardian and the man is a guardian of his family, the wife is a guardian and is responsible for her husband's house and his offspring; and so all of you are guardians and are responsible for your wards."
If the spouses diligently fulfil their respective roles, this commitment will naturally create balance, love, and harmony within the house. If, however, the roles of the spouses are completely changed and they start doing things against their natured temperament, that situation will create an imbalance in the house. It is therefore highly advisable for both spouses to diligently fulfil their designated roles in the family for the sake of domestic peace and stability.
If a wife is unwilling to do her share of work within the household, it is necessary for the husband to explain to her with love and care the need for her to fulfil her role. It is important to use wisdom and diplomacy in addressing her and to motivate her gently toward her duties.
🤲 The Prophetic Example: Assisting in Household Work and Spiritual Care
Nevertheless, while the roles are distinct, it is the great Sunnah of Rasulullah Sallahu Alayhi Wasallam to assist in household work, demonstrating the flexibility and compassion within the marriage framework. Consider the following narration:
Hadrath Aisha Radhiyallahu Anhu, the beloved wife of Rasulullah Sallallahu Alayhi Wasallam, was asked, “What did the Prophet of Allah used to do in his house?” She replied: “He used to keep himself busy serving his family and when it was the time for prayer he would go for it.”
The word used in the Hadith is Mihnah (مِهْنَة), and one of the translations of Mihnah is serving. It means Rasullullah used to serve his family and do household chores. If one serves his family with an intention of practicing upon the noble Sunnah of Rasulullah, he will be rewarded greatly in this world and in the hereafter. This reward could manifest in the form of good health, barakah (blessings), and intercession on the Day of Qiyamah (Judgment).
Furthermore, just as it is necessary and rewarding to look after the physical and monetary needs of one’s family, it is even more important and rewarding to take care of their spiritual (ruhani) development. Ensuring the spiritual well-being of one's family provides enduring benefit, as affirmed in the following narration:
Rasulullah (Sallallahu alayhi wa sallam) said:
إِذَا مَاتَ الإِنْسَانُ انْقَطَعَ عَنْهُ عَمَلُهُ إِلاَّ مِنْ ثَلاَثَةٍ إِلاَّ مِنْ صَدَقَةٍ جَارِيَةٍ أَوْ عِلْمٍ يُنْتَفَعُ بِهِ أَوْ وَلَدٍ صَالِحٍ يَدْعُو لَهُ
Translation: "When man dies, his actions come to an end except three, the rewards of which keep accruing even after his death, (they are) Sadaqa (charity) that have recurring benefits, knowledge from which people continue to benefit, pious children who offer du’a on behalf of their deceased parents”
(Sahih Muslim, vol 2, pg 41, Kutub Khana Rasheediyya)
By diligently fulfilling the specific roles prescribed by Shariah, which includes the husband's financial responsibility and the wife's primary care for the home, while simultaneously adopting the prophetic Sunnah of assisting the family and prioritizing their spiritual upbringing, the spouses establish a foundation for a balanced, harmonious, and perpetually rewarded marriage.
